something was born on your day.
i did it because i needed another reason for me to cry.
but i ended up realizing that what you did to me was really more painful because i didn't shed a single tear while it was being born.
i sent you messages greeting you on your birthday. twice. in two different ways.
but i never got a reply. as i expected, but not as i hoped.
and that's when i shed not just one tear.
i flooded my heart.
***
there's something about cleaning bedrooms that painfully soothes me.
it must be all the rearranging, de-cluttering and dumping of things that mean a lot despite it's triviality that gets to me.
i was sorting through all my stuff in my bedroom on the last day of that terrible year - which ones to keep, which ones to recycle and which ones to throw out.
all this while the songbird hummed in my ears.
then THE song was played.
again, whatever was in my heart - the happiness of finding you again, the joy of the thought that there was hope for us, the heartaches these brought (yes, even the happy moments we had has brought me pain lately), the confusion, the uncertainty, the pain of rejection - all came flowing out through my eyes.
and, finally, a truly painful thought stirred me. I needed to say goodbye. I had to say goodbye to you. along with all the souvenirs of the past year.
and i resolved to let it all out one last time just as i was about to say goodbye to the year that crushed and crippled me.
***
i awaited a new year knowing there will be new futures, new hopes and a chance to be reborn and be able to run wild and free again. be the glorious horse.
and i had to accept that there might be no more you in that new future... because God knows when our paths will cross again. and if there's a continuation to our story.
but you tried to find out about me and you probably didn't want me to know.
but i found out.
now i know i really mattered.
thank you.
