blind. dense.

why are you hurting me? why are you hurting me this way? don't i matter to you anymore? do i still matter to you? do you still think about me? why don't you try to see me? why won't you see me and talk to me? do you still wanna see me? do you still think i'm special? what's wrong? why are you pulling the plug? or have you already pulled the plug a long time ago? why are you breaking my heart? why? why can't you just let me know what's on your mind even if it might hurt me? are we friends? are we still friends? do you still see me as more than a friend? can you still see me as more than a friend? do you still like me? do you still love me? did you ever love me? do you feel that i love you? do you KNOW that i love you? do you know that you're hurting me right now? do you know that i cry because of you nowadays? are you deliberately doing this to really hurt me? why? what for? don't you want me anymore? don't you love me anymore? don't you miss me anymore? are you really breaking my heart on purpose? why? why didn't you give us a chance? why didn't you let our love grow? why?

...

Unsaid
by Julianne

Do I have to lose you now
So I can gain you some other time?
Do I have to take a bow,
End the show before the curtain call?

Do I have to look the other way
Coz we just got too much to say?
Did it even have to be like this
For you and I? I wanna know why.

Even if I know what I've been told
To let go means to surrender my control.
But it isn't easy to have loved and not survive.
Was is for the wrong reason?
Or maybe the wrong season?

Coz I wanted this love to grow.
I wanted to see it soar.
I wanted to give a chance for the Sun
To kiss our eyes
So maybe we could see the light
Behind our hearts desires.

Do I have to be broken one last time
So I can be made whole again?
Do I have to be chastised
To be saved and rescued from the fire?

Do I have to be reminded of all this
That I didn't even own a thing to begin with?
No right to claim,
No right to put the blame
On anyone or anything

Even if I know what I've been told
To let go means to surrender my control.
But it isn't easy to have loved and not survive.
Was is for the wrong reason?
Or maybe the wrong season

Coz I wanted this love to grow.
I wanted to see it soar.
I wanted to give a chance for the Sun
To kiss our eyes
So maybe we could see the light
Behind our hearts desires.

Do I have to watch you go ahead
Leaving me with out a word said?
Do I even get the opportunity to say my plea?
I hope now you're hearing me.

Coz I wanted this love to grow.
I wanted to see it soar.
I wanted to give a chance for the Sun
To kiss our eyes
So maybe we could see the light
Behind our hearts desires.

I wanted to see the light.
I wanted you to see the light.
I wanted us to see the light.
... Open up your eyes time
To open up our eyes...

dream

sniffer,

i had a dream about you last night.
we met up.
you missed me.
you hugged me.
you held my face in your hands.
you kissed me.

when i woke up, i prayed so hard for it to come true.

is it possible to let go and still hope?

hopefully weary

i'm slowly disarming myself....
i'm pushing myself to face the sun...
i'm trying to open my eyes
to the very blinding light of truth.

i'm slowly opening my hands,
loosening my grasp
when i haven't even
held you enough yet.

i still hope.
i still believe..
i can silently and secretly wait.
still.

i am hurt.
i am sad.
but i find myself blind
even with open eyes.

all because of this heart
that loves you.

14 days

i was broken, rambling and ranting.

i was confused, scared to admit that that might be it.

i was reluctant but hopeful still.

i was pushed to move on by people who love me.

i was preparing myself for the possible heartbreak.

i was starting to surrender. and eventually let go.

and then that simple message from you changed everything.

again.

***

you miss me. i know you do.

i miss you too.